Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
