I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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