lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
