my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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