Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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