Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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