the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
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I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
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I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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