awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
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It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
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My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
my liver is dry heaving
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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