this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Someone came in the potted fern
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
