I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
