just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
