We won't sleep together?
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
