Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
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she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
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Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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