So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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