so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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