Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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