But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
