every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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