he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
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She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
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ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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