a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
