Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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