he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
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