sorry about calling you the devil all night.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
