just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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