I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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