hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
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i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
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Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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