Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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