he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize
