i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
