It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
