my text book just quoted the cookie monster
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
