Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
