Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
