even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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