neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
