Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
