why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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