uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I can feel your judgement through the phone
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
