Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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