If that was your dad, he is hot
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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