I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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