it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
