I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize
