Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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