I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
