this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
