Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
