Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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