my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
