please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
