i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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