she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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