i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
