I think i peed on brittanys purse
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
