i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
