Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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