I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Never joke about your clitoris.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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