I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
