R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
