Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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